What the Fruk?
by CottonCandy57
Summary: Okay, Crackfics galore! One magical day in the land of the Germanic countries dressed up like Disney Princesses, France says he is NOT gay... I mean, like, seriously. Oh, apparently Iggy is the Doctor... and We're in the 80's... And what the fruk? I mean, seriously. I told Poland he WASN'T ALLOWED TO USE MY JETPACK. Sheesh... Oh, this isn't about FrUK, contrary to popular belief...
1. Mama! Oooohhhhhh!

**Hi there :3 I'm bored, and I really Really REALLY wanna get my beta badge (Yes, it is a badge), so I decided to do a magical crackfic~!**

**The story? Everyone's personalities are switched with the person they hate/are most unlike.**

**Yeah... have fun :3**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Hetalia... If I did, Romano and Iggy wouldn't be so Tsundere...**

* * *

"Yohoho, tralala, yohoho, tralala," Japan sang to himself as he slowly spazzed to the world conference room. Upon entering, he saw Germany and Sweden singing "Disco Pogo" and Italy and Finland Telling everyone to shut up. China was walking around, and started baring his fangs at different things, stopping to stare at Romania who was offering everyone snacks.

Yep, another normal day for the countries.

As he set his briefcase down, he pulled out a Big Mac and started nomming it. He glanced around the room, and saw Russia sitting on the floor, petting a fluffy cat, and Greece was staring at him from across the room.

Suddenly, a song started playing. The author is not telling you the name though, because she wants to keep this rated T, but It's probably not...

"THE FOURTH WALL HAS FALLEN!" Belarus screamed, and got crushed by the fourth side of the room falling on her. Ukraine snickered under her breath, and stared at Russia, mumbling "Kekkon" Over and over.

"Lock eyes, from across the room." Germany started to sing, but then stopped, because no one else was singing, and he didn't want to get in trouble from Italy. He began to pass out Christmas Gifts, because Sweden was too busy eating Pasta to sing "Disco Pogo" anymore.

Of course, no one except for America noticed, and he stayed quiet, eating some Sushi. England came up behind him, and whispered something in his ear. America instantly turned a bright red, and Iggy got slapped by France, who was yelling at him for, "Corrupting his innocent mind"

"Onhonhon, Is Mr. Français jealous?" England asked with a smirk, before leaning back over America who was still blushing furiously. France batted England away and began giving him a lecture about not corrupting the younger countries.

Japan cleared his throat "Yo, dudes, I think we all just need to sit back and calm down, eat a hamburger, drink a milkshake, let the superheros like me take care of everything!" He said nonchalantly, while staring at England, who was murmuring something like, "J'aime des biscuits" Under his breath. Japan laughed, and strolled over to Greece, who was, in fact STILL staring at him.

**MAGICAL P.O.V. CHANGE~!**

When Canada walked in, he was greeted with the familiar sight of chaos. After he took his seat next to Sealand, his husband, he pulled out a Shounen Ai magazine, and proceeded to get a massive nosebleed. Sealand was shaking his head disapprovingly, and started to play Chopin on his "Play with me" Piano, that he got from the thrift store, because, really, where else would you get a piano? When Romania offered them "Romanian Tasty Treats" Canada took one, then spit it out, because Romanian food is disgusting, and because Bulgaria was twerking on him from behind, which was, if you think about it, Rather disturbing... The author apologizes for that mental image. Austria yelled "Why?" And got crushed under the fourth wall, that Romania had just finished building back up. Norway then jumped up from his laptop, and squealed "OMG, like, finally!" because he had just beat solitaire, which is actually really easy to do, but it's Norway, and Norway is... just so manly...

Denmark was mastering his poker face, when Hong Kong stumbled over to him, obviously drunk, and started telling him about the wonders of fireworks and the greatness that those who follow Pastafarianism will achieve. Sweden glanced up at "Pastafarianism", For he himself is a dedicated Pastafarian.

**Pastafarianism, explained by Poland!**

Poland looked around, and being the computer nerd he was, knew all about Pastafarianism. "Pastafarianism is pronounced "Pasta-far-e-an-ism" And those who follow it worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Sweden and Liechtenstein are followers of Pastafarianism, and Austria _was_ a borderline Pastafarian. Romania and America worship a different form of Pastafarianism, called Lo Meinism, and they worship Lo Mein, which is rather delicious. Followers of Pastafarianism believe that The FSM (Flying Spaghetti Monster) boiled for your sins, and followers have been touched by his "Noodly Appendage" That sounds so preverted...But anyways, yes. Pastafarianism is a real religion. Don't belive me? Fine, look it up, there's a website." He mumbled as he stomped away, looking for Lithuania, wo was most likely procrastinating with candy.

**BACK TO REALITY! (What reality?)**

"Is this the real life?" Germany sang, stretching his hand out to Sweden, who grabbed his hand, and pulled them closer together.

"Is this just fantasy?" Sweden finished, before twirling around, and landing in the pasta he was eating.

"Caught in a landslide~!" Japan sang as he leaped through the air, managing to have perfect form, despite the fact he never took ballet lessons...

"No escape from reality!" Estonia sang, standing above the other three countries.

"Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see~!" They harmonized, before the spotlight shone on Germany, who was on the ground in a dejected pose.

"I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy.." He looked down, before the lights went out, and they were all in skin-tight white jumpsuits.

"Because I'm easy come, easy go, little high, little low." The other three sang to him

"Any way the wind blows, doesn't really matter to me..." The German drifted off...

"To me..." They sang together.

The spotlight shone on Sweden, "Mama, just killed a man," Spotlight on Japan, "Put a gun against his head..."

"Pulled my trigger now he's dead..." The two sang together.

A purple spotlight shone on Estonia, "Mama, life had just begun!" He turned away, "But now I've gone and thrown it all away~!"

They all sang again, "Mama! Ooohhhh..."

Germany struck a dramatic pose, "Didn't mean to make you cry! If I'm not back again this time tomorrow," Sweden lifted his head emotionally, "Carry on, Carry on..."

"As if nothing really matters..." The two sang

"Too late, my time has come..." Japan sang, holding a purple sparkly microphone, "Sends shivers down my spine,"

Estonia played the chimes, and sang, "Bodies aching' all the time," Before waving to the audience that wasn't there, "Goodbye everybody! I've got to go..."

Germany grabbed him, and pulled him into a dip, "Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth~!" Before Germany dropped him and played an epic guitar riff.

"Mama! Ooohhhh~!" He sang dramatically, while everyone else sang, "Any way the wind blows,"

"I don't wanna die!" Sweden and Japan sang together, then Estonia sang, "Sometimes wish I'd never been born at all~!"

Germany began to play the most epic of all guitar solos. Like, so epic, You'd probably die. And he looked really goddamn sexy in that jumpsuit... sorry for the nosebleed...

After the most epic of all the guitar solos, Belarus, who had been brought back to life, began to play the piano.

"I see a little silhouetto of a man!" Japan pointed to her shadow, then Estonia cam up behind him,

"Scaramouch, scaramouch will you do the fandango?" He held out his hand to Sweden, who cowered under the piano

"Thunderbolt and lightning! Very very frightening me!" He sang from under the Piano

"Gallileo!" Germany sang to Japan, who responded with a super deep, "Gallileo"

This went on for like, another verse, but Estonia jumped in and sang, "Figaro!" Before Japan could sing.

Sweden, who was _still_ under the piano, sang, "Magnificoooo~!"

Japan looked down, "I'm just a poor boy, no body loves me.."

The rest sang, "He's just a poor boy, from a poor family! Spare him his life from this monstrosity!" Germany pointed to England, who put a hand over his chest, and exclaimed , "Quoi? Moi?"

Japan looked back up with super desu-desu eyes, "Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?"

Estonia gasped and sang, "Bismillah! No! We will not let you go!"

Germany pushed Estonia, "Let him go!"

Estonia sassy-snapped, "Bismillah! We will not let you go!"

Sweden, who decided to come out from under the piano, acted as Germany's personal straight jacket, "Let him go~!"

Estonia put his hand on his hip, "Bismillah! We will not let you go!"

Japan whimpered, "Let me go!"

Estonia got all up in Japan's face, "Will not let you go-"

"Let me go~!"

"Never let you go-"

"Let me go!"

"Never let me go-"

"Oooohhhh"

Estonia sighed, "No, no, no, no, no, no, no"

Japan looked at Germany, "Oh Mama mia, mama mia, mama mia let me go!"

Sweden went to the Emo corner, "Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me~! For me~! For MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"

Germany began to play epic fruking guitar solo #2, and he still looked super goddamn sexy in that jumpsuit...

Japan glared at Estonia, "So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?"

He kept singing, "So you think you can love me and leave me to die?"

Sweden sang, "Oh baby - can't do this to me baby!"

Germany clawed at the walls, "Just gotta get out - just gotta get right outta here.." Then played a mini-epic guitar solo.

They all sang, "Ooh yeah, ooh yeah!"

The spotlight shone on Japan again, "Nothing really matters, Anyone can see, Nothing really matters - nothing really matters to me"

Sweden sang softly, "Anyway the wind blows..."

**WHAT THE FRUK WAS THAT?**

Romania stared at the Quartet, who had managed to sing "Bohemian Rhapsody" Fully, Perfectly coregraphed, and with no slip ups in the epic guitar solos...

They all stared at them, actually. It was pretty funny, and Canada had a nosebleed from Germany. (Who was _still _super goddamn smexy)

And then, the Flying Spaghetti Monster broke the fourth wall, because the author can predict things before they happen, and took Sweden and Liechtenstein, before flying into the sunset, on his trusy meatball bandwagon.

Hungary then proceeded to tell everyone about how she was awesome.

The End.

Maybe.

The author might make this multiple chapters, if she gets requests.

Nevermind, they ran out of fourth walls to break, and she died in her room, under her fourth wall...

Sorry.


	2. Ohgod High School Musical

**I'm back, and not dead!**

**But anyways, I have no idea what this one's about, I just took some shtuff and threw it into a magical pile called crack...**

**Danke for the reviews! I love to see people like my stories~!**

**Disclaimer:**

**Candy: Okay! Today Prussia will be doing the disclaimer!**

**Prussia: *Glances around* -deep breath- CottonCandy57 owns Hetalia, She will always own Hetalia too! She also owns the so-**

**Germany: *slaps hand over Prussia's Mouth* -sigh- CottonCandy57 Does NOT own Hetalia, Nor does she own the song. If she owned Hetalia, *blushy awkwardness* GerIta would have already been Canon... *Grabs Prussia's Ear and Drags him off***

**Prussia: OW! This is so OW! Unawesome..**

**Candy: O_O wtf...**

* * *

Russia was walking down one of the many hallways in his house, and sadly, America had hooked up one of his new fangled gadgets to the intercom system, and the only song that was able to play out of them was "I'm Sexy and I know it" Pretty soon, it had started to get on his nerves, and he was considering ripping the intercom system out of the walls when Belarus started to sing along to the song behind him. Lithuania had joined soon after, and the rest of the Baltics joined too... Ukraine wasn't allowed inside though, but she was singing from outside the house.

_Yeah, yeah_  
_When I walk on by, girls be looking like damn he fly_  
_I pimp to the beat, walking on the street in my new lafreak, yeah_  
_This is how I roll, animal print, pants outta control,_  
_It's Redfoo with the big afro_  
_And like Bruce Leroy I got the glow, oh.._

Belarus was trying to grab hold of him, when he started running. He cursed building such a large house, and continued to go down various hallways, the eerie sound of horrible American music following him everywhere.

_Ah... Girl look at that body,  
Ah... Girl look at that body,  
Ah... Girl look at that body,_  
_Ah... I work out_  
_Ah... Girl look at that body,  
Ah... Girl look at that body,  
Ah... Girl look at that body,_  
_Ah... I work out_

He turned around abruptly only to see Belarus gazing up at him, holding her knife.

He flipped his shit after that.

**WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR A MAGICAL SONG/CRACKFIC~!**

Romania, Belgium, and France took the stage that those who had just sung "Bohemian Rhapsody" Came from.

Romania quickly grabbed the microphone, and some techno-style music started playing...

"Well She Was More Like A Beauty Queen From A Movie Scene" He poofed everyone into leather jackets and jeans. France almost had a heart attack.  
Belgium spinned and took the microphone, "I Said Don't Mind, But What Do You Mean I Am The One"  
France grabbed the air, "Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round"  
They all sang to each others backs, "She Said I Am The One Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round"

Romania stared in the distance meaningfully, "She Told Me Her Name Was Billie Jean, As She Caused A Scene"  
"Then Every Head Turned With Eyes That Dreamed Of Being The One," Belgium disappeared behind a bed, that just so happened to be conveniently placed in the middle of the stage.  
"Who Will Dance On The Floor In The Round" The two sang.

And then the most amazing thing happened... Like so amazing, you'd probably die. England started floating down from the ceiling on a platform attached to a pole. He was dancing. On the pole. Go get a tissue, you look like you need one.

"People Always Told Me Be Careful Of What You Do  
And Don't Go Around Breaking Young Girls' Hearts!"

The others "ooh"ed

"And Mother Always Told Me Be Careful Of Who You Love  
And Be Careful Of What You Do 'Cause The Lie Becomes The Truth, eheh!"

All four of them began to sing, "Billy Jean is not my lover! She's just a girl, who claims I am the one! But the kid is not my s-"

They got cut off by Sealand, who had jumped from near the light booth, and rapped, "All right stop, Collaborate and listen! Ice is back with my brand new invention!"

Wy jumped down from the right side, and also rapped, "Something grabs a hold of me tightly, Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly!"

Seborga jumped from the left, "Will it ever stop? Yo – I don't know, Turn off the lights and I'll glow!"

Prussia landed in the middle, in an _awesome_ pose, "To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal, Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle."

They all sang, "Deadly!"

Yet another group had managed to crash the party, but this time it was a Girl with reddish-blondish-brownish hair, and a blond who was convinced she wasn't, in fact, a blond.

The girl with the freaky hair held up her hand, and waved the two "Bands" Together, The blond stood next to her, blushing because England was still dancing on the pole...

"Guys, guys, cut it out! Those are both... naw, "Billie Jean" is obviously better than "Ice Ice Baby"..." She drifted off, but the blond tapped her shoulder, and whispered something in her ear. She snapped up, and exclaimed, "Oh yeah~! I'm Jessie, this is my Best Fucking Friend For Life, Caitryn, and we're here to propose a peace treaty!" She smiled obnoxiously, "Who would like to go first?"

"Caitryn" Facepalmed, and sighed, "One, my name is Caitlyn, and two, You really think they're just gonna start liking eachother just like that?" She shook her head dissaprovingly, "You are so crazy, then again..." She too got a drifted off look on her face. "Our Imaginations are too goddamn smexy for your innocent minds, Lets go watch Anime and read Readerx Fanfics" She said before dragging Jessie off, and Jessie was yelling at her for, "Not being able to ship anything" But, back to the story...

"I forgot what we were doing..." France said, scratching his neck nervously

"Me too..." Seborga mumbled, and they all nodded their heads in agreement. Romania snapped his fingers, and pulled everyone into one of those group chat things where you cant see the players heads...

**Later!**

Everyone was dressed in High School outfits, and they started singing, "Together, together, together everyone! Together, together, come on lets have some fun! Together, were there for each other every time! Together together come on lets do this right"

England was dressed in a basketball jersey, and stepped forward, "Here and now its time for celebration, I finally figured it out!" He grabbed America's hand, and they sang together, "That all our dreams have no limitations, That's what its all about!"

France walked forward, pushing the two back, "Everyone is special in their own way! We make each other strong!" He grabbed Canada's hand, and Canada proceeded to Mumble-sing, "Were not the same, Were different in a good way!" Before skipping with France, "Together's where we belong!"

Everyone then proceeded to have a giant dance break, singing, "We're all in this together! Once we know, That we are, We're all stars And we see that!"

"We're all in this together!" Romania pulled Bulgaria, who just happened to be in a high shool cheerleading outfit, onto the scene, "And it shows, When we stand, Hand in hand, Make our dreams come true~!"

**JAZZ HANDS!**

Meanwhile, Caitryn and Jessie were sitting in the tech booth, laughing their heads off. Caitryn was the first to notice that there was someone watching them. She tapped Jessie's shoulder, and she glanced around, before seeing the obvious camera right in front of her face.

"Oh yeah!" She said, "Please leave reveiws, and Follow and Favorite! They make me happy, and give me energy to bug this," She poked Caitryn's super-blushy face, "One here!"

Caitryn sighed, "Why am I friends with you? Oh yeah..." She looked down, before Jessie forced her to do a "Hetalia-fangirl-five!" As she said..

Or maybe it was just because they just so happened to be flute players...

Or maybe it was because Jessie is just so dang obnoxious... aside from when she has to sit next to Bailey... she's a-

BACK TO THE POINT!

**_So how did Jessie and Caitryn become friends?_**

"Eh, I'm not really sure... We're getting off topic, though..." Caitryn then proceeded to pull out a schedule, and read it, before slamming it shut, causing Jessie to jump... Because she gets startled easily... Goddamn Belarus, He's creepy...

"AHHH, Stop getting off topic!" Caitryn scream-yelled

**We'll just leave you guys alone...**

The BTT sang, "I'm Gay" By Bowling For Soup... The author might make the next chapter about that...

Wait, nevermind, she died again...

Sorry


	3. MAKIN' MY WAY DOWNTOWN!

**I be back! Really quickly too! :D**

**Danke to all teh reviewers! They make me smile!**

**I have set a new personal goal, If I can get 2 or 3 reviews each chappie, I will be super-happy and update quicker, giving you more crack-filled goodness to nom on!**

**Todays supah yummy crack-filled cookies? I know how much my BFFFL loves Nordic 5=1 Direction, so the Nordics will be doing some 1D stuffs... most of the time... You know I like little side-plot stories.**

***sigh* Do I have to do this? You already know I don't own Hetalia... I do however own myself and Caitryn, yes. I own my BFFFL, she's my bitch...**

* * *

"Bum, bumbum, bum bum, bum bum, bum, bumbum, bum bum, chchchhhh"

Iceland walked onto the stage, "You're insecure! Don't know what for!"

"You're turnin' heads when you walk through the do-o-or!" Finland sang.

"Don't need makeup, to cover up!" Denmark swag-handed on

Sweden followed soon after, "Bein' the way that you are is eno-o-ugh!"

Norway rose from a platform in the middle of the stage, "Everyone else in the room can see it! Every one else but yo-ou!"

They proceeded to form a circle and do something that looked like "Ring around the rosy"

"Baby you light up my world like nobody else!" Denmark sang, then flipped his hair while Finland sang, "The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed!"

Sweden looked around, before sing-mumbling in that super-sexy deep voice of his, "But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell,"

"You don't know- oh oh!- You don't know you're beautiful!" Iceland started to skip around

The rest of them started to get into it as well, "If only they saw what I could see, you'd understand why I want you so desperately!" They sang in perfe- no, it wasn't perfect, it was actually enough to make your ears bleed...

England stopped them before they could go any further. "Nooow, nooow, NOOOWW (No, no, NO)!" He said in a really obnoxious English accent, "It needs to haaave more SOWL (soul)" He said further, before motioning for them to start again.

"Oooohohooohoooooo" They all sang

"I know you love me! I know you care!" Denmark sang in a really high-pitched voice

Finland tried (and failed) to do one of those Michael Jackson things where you grab your crotch and stand on your tip-toes as he sang, "To shout whenever, and I'll be there~!"

Sweden was just being an epic awkward penguin, and sang in a (very MANLY) High-pitched voice, "You are my looove, you are my heart!"

"And we will never-ever-ever be apart!" Iceland and Norway sang

Denmark put a hand on his hip, "Are we an item? Girl quit playing!"

Finland looked ready to cry, "We're just friends? What are you sayinggg?"

"But there's another who looked right in my eyes!" Sweden sang, surprisingly keeping his poker face

"My first love broke my heart for the first time!" They all sang

"And I was like Baby, baby, baby, ooohhhhhhhhhh!" Iceland sang

"Baby, baby, baby, NOOOOOO" Norway followed soon after

"Baby, baby, baby, oooooooohhhhhhhh!" Sweden sang, which was, if you think about it, ha-fruking-larious.

"Thought you'd always be minneee, mineeee" Denmark and Finland sang, staring at no one in particular, while screaming fangirls who were reading this dropped dead from blood loss.

"Thaaats bettah!" England said in that really stupid accent, "I lahved thae SOWL you puut intoh thaaat peicee! Noow sing ahnohthah (another) Sohwg (song)!"

"Naw, boss, we're good!" Denmark, said, oblivious to the fangirls who were threatening to break into the story and steal him.

"Yah, we're gonna get some food, mmkay?" Finland led everyone out the door, and they all walked to... the Pizza Hut, and the Taco Bell.

"We at the Pizza hut! We at the Taco Bell!" Norway sang obnoxiously, as they walked down the street.

**Sudden realization.**

Really cheezy piano music came from no where, as the Nordics looked at eachother, nodding. Norway poofed everyone in to stereotypical white girls, bought a pink convertible, and everyone got in.

"MAKIN' MY WAY DOWNTOWN! WALKIN' FAST, FACES PASS, I'M HOMEBOUND!" They all sang as loudly and obnoxiously as they could, causing some drivers to crash their cars.

"STARIN' BLANKLY AHEAD, JUST MAKIN' MY WAY, MAKIN' MY WAY THROUGH THE CRO-OW-OWD!" They sang horribly, saying the "Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun!"

"And I need you!" Sweden sang from the driver's seat

"dundundundundundundun, and I miss you!" Iceland screeched from the back

"Dundundundundundundun, and now I won-der!" They all sang, causing some people to double over on the street, holding their ears.

"IF I COULD FALL, INTO THE SKY, DO YOU THINK TIME, WOULD PASS ME BY? OHHHHHH 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I'D WALK A THOUSAND MILES, IF I COULD JUST, SEE YOU..." They paused for a moment.

"TONIGHT!" They started back up with the "bums" Soon after, as they drove into the sunset.

**What?**

"Ah (I) Cahn't behlehve(beleive) Thehm!" England yelled at FMB(flying mint bunny) As he paced in the recording studio.

"Hey, Iggy! I brought us some Pizza Hut _and _Taco Bell!" America yelled quite heroically as he entered the room. "Uh... Are you okay, dude?

Iggy sighed, "Noow(no) Ah ahm NAWT ohkay!" He yelled, "Ah just hahd mah behst ghroup goh ohut foh LUHNCH!"

America stared, "I could sing something, Imma good singer!" Before Iggy could say no, America was in the studio, belting out...

"THIS GIRL IS ON FIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE! THIS GIRL IS ON FIRRRRRRRRRRRREEE! SHE'S WALKIN' ON FIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, THIS GIRL IS ON FIIIRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

**Oh snap**

"Shut up, and sleep with me, come one why don't you sleep with me, Shut up, and sleep with me come on why don't you sleep with me!" Prussia sang as he pestered Canadia, who had taken refuge in Russia's house... that still had "I'm Sexy and I Know it" Playing in it...

"NOOOO~!" Canadadayo screamed from inside the house.

**You two go make babies, Imma go watch someone else**

Greece was crying.

Japan walk up.

Greece still Cry.

Japan ask why.

Greece sing, "I love cats, I love every type of cat..." He drifted off for a second, "I just want to hug all them, but I can't, can't hug every cat!"

Japan Shooshed him.

Greece still sing, "I think about how many don't have a home, and how I should have them! I think about how cute they are, and how their ears, and the whiskers, and the nose!"

"I just love them, and I want them, and I want them in a basket, and I want little bow ties!"

Japan comfort Greece.

"I just love them, and I want them, to be on a rainbow and in my bed, and I just want us to roll around!"

Japan sat up.

Japan look angry.

Japan say, "You know what?"

Japan say, "I'm tired of this, author!"

Author is surprised.

Both Greece and Japan die under the fourth wall.

People are sad.

**What the fruk?**

"OOOOHHHH, EVERYBODY STARES AS SHE GOES BY, 'CAUSE THEY CAN SEE THE FLAME THAT'S IN HER EYE!" America still belted out.

England sighed, before cutting in, "Ahmehrihcah(America)! Stahp iht!"

America glanced around, before asking why.

Iggy glared, and said, "Iht's nawt bahd enohgh(enough), Iht nehds toh beh suhpah bahd!"

"ooohhhh... so like... bad-er?"

Iggy-san nodded.

"HEY I JUST MET YOU! AND THIS IS CRAZY! SO HERE'S MY NUMBER, SO CALL ME MAYBE!"

"Puhfehct(Perfect)!" Iggy clapped his hands together, before thinking, _Thihs ihs sohmthihng ah couhld wohrk whit!_

**CATS!**

Jessie glanced around, before noticing the camera, "Oh hi! Thanks for all the reviews! They make me smile! Be sure to Follow and favorite for more Cracky goodness!"

Caitryn followed, "And be sure to put in a suggestion! We're always open to new things!" She took a deep breath, "ALSOBESURETOCHECKOUTMYGERMANYXREADERFIC,MYFANFICT IONNAMEISZEVEROUS~~!"

Jessie looked confuzzled, "English, please?" Caitryn mumbled something about hearing issues, and said slower, "My name is Zevorous, check out the ReaderXGermany story I'm writing!"

"Bai guys! review!" Jessie waved to the camera, the author still doesn't know why she puts these in, but she'll post a new chapter after she gets 2-3 reviews!

Wait, nevermind, she's dead again.

Sorry.


	4. AH GOTTAH TICKET FOAH DA LAWG WAY DOWWNN

**Wohoo! Sorry for the wait, My Interwebz was out... I Planned on ending this when I got my beta-badge, but since I got so much likeys, I was all up and like, "Woahmygawd!" **

**But, anyways... WOW! 10 reviews... ALREADY~!**

**Okay, whateves, this chapter is dedicated to... (magical Nickname of magicalness) Thank-God-I-Live-In~! Her suggestion is...**

**I suggest france's sing wrecking ball by miley cyrus, russia dances gentleman by psy,belarus sing's opera, and sealand swims in a jar of nutella thats all :)**

**oh, and to that Guest that suggested the Nordic, I'm making that a 3-shot, It's just not... uh.. cracky enough for my liking :P I also just figured out that "Makin' my way downtown" Is by Avril Lavigne... But "1000 miles" is by Vanessa Carlton... I'm so confused...**

**Disclaimer: I dnot own Hteaila, oaky? Eevn if I did, Erveyhitng wulod be Cnaon.**

* * *

A spotlight shone on the stage, glaring down on...

A dirty navy-blue baseball cap.

"GOTT VERDAMMT, JOE, GET OFF THE DAMMT STAGE!" Germany yelled to the janitor who was cleaning up desu-sparkles Japan had left on the stage.

"Uhhh, mmkay, sir..." Joe said dumbly, "I'll... be going..." He shuffled offstage.

"Lights down..." Germany sighed, "Lights up!"

France was in a white bikini, and had a sledgehammer in his hand. Behind him was a wall with three sides(pooh no breaking the fourth wall...), and a..

A wrecking ball.

"Nous griffé, nous enchaînés, nos cœurs en vain, Nous avons sauté, ne demandant jamais pourquoi," He licked the sledgehammer, "Nous nous sommes embrassés, je suis tombé sous ton charme, L'amour ne peut nier~!" He took the skimpy bikini he had on, and climbed on the wrecking ball, but not before Germany yelled into the microphone, "English, please!"

"Don't you ever say I just walked away, I will always want you," The wrecking ball lifted, and he was sorta dancing... Naked... on a wrecking ball. "I can't live a lie, running for my life, I will always want you..." The wrecking ball stopped and hung there for a moment.

THEN SUDDENLY THE WALL TURNED INTO IGGY-PANTS!

"I CAME IN LIKE A WRECKING BAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL~!" Before poor England could realize what was going on, he got knocked over by a naked Frenchman on a Wrecking ball.

"I never hit so hard in love~!" He sang as England was getting back up, and got hit by the wrecking ball going the other way.

"All I wanted was to break your walls~!" He Licked the sledgehammer, and closed his eyes

"All you ever did was bre-eh-eak me, Yeah, you wre-eh-eck me~!"

**Uhhhhh...**

Russia was in a french clothing store with Latvia, Lithuania, Estonia, Belarus, and Ukraine sitting behind him

He started to hump random things, and carry random bags around, "Ah~!"

"Allangga molla wae! Hwakkeun haeya haneun geonji, allangga molla wae!" They were magically transported to a playground, and strated watching Japan breakdance.

He stopped singing after that, because only Korea could pronounce the words, and he was busy pestering China for kimchi.

Meanwhile, Belarus had left, and was now singing some strange opera that went like this, "The Phantom of the Opera is here, Inside my mind" (Leave a review if you like Phantom of the Opera!)

She sang in a manlier voice, "Sing, my Angel of Music, Sing, my Angel Sing for me, Sing, my Angel! Sing for me!"

She began to sing random notes, each one worse than the rest so... it sounded like 20 freight trains on the same rail, at the same time.

With Belarus.

**Uh, okay then?**

The most MAGICAL person walked out on stage.

You guessed right, it was Germany. He was holding a cup, and had braces and nerd glasses on.

You probably know what's coming, right?

"I GOTTA TICKET FO' DA LOOONNG WAY DOOOOWWNNNN~!" He sang in a really stereotypical southern accent

"TWO BODDLE'A WHISKEY FO' DA WAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!" He pulled out really crappy beer

"AN' I SHOA WOULD LAHKE SUME SCHWEET COMPANAAY, AN' AHM LEAVIN TOMARROAH WHEN AH SAY~!" He accedentally threw the cup against the wall, and stood up, stumbling

"WHEN AH'M GOOONNNE, WHEN AHM GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE~!" He leaned on the bed that was still there from "Billie Jean"

"YOU GONNA MISS ME WHEN AHM GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONE~!" After stumbling around some more, he got some fried chicken from McDonalds

"YOU GUNNA MISS ME BAH MAH HAIA, YOU GUNNA MISS MEH EHVERYWHEERREE" He threw up everywhere after that, 'cause dem Germans have weak stomachs

"YOU SHO' GUNNA MISS ME WHEN AH'M GONNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~!" He ended with a bang and fireworks.

**What's wrong with you people?**

England slumped forwards, "You held me down," He leaned back, "But I got up!"

He wiggled his arms behind him, "Already brushin' off the dust!"

America put his hands by his ears, "You hear my voice," He spread them apart a little, "You hear that sound?"

"Like thunder gonna shake the ground!" He wiggled his hands by his ears

England did the same dance, but sang, "You held me down, but I got up, Get ready 'cause I've had enough!"

'Murica covered his eyes, "I see it all" He did a peek-a-boo thing, "I see it now!"

They did a claw movement, while singing, "I got the eye of the tiger!" The acted like they were a fire, "A fire!" They danced, "Dancin' through the fire!"

"'Cause I am a champion!" They both acted like they were flexing, "And you're gonna" Iggy pointed at 'Murica, "Hear me!" 'Murica pointed to his ears, then at himself

They both then jumped out a window, "ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR~!" 'Murica landed perfectly, but Iggy got knocked over by a wrecking ball

**Ohgod, this is madness!**

"Madness?" Romania stared into the distance,

"THIS"

"IS"

"SPAAAAAAAAAARRRRTTTTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH H!"

**I shouldn't have made that refrence.**

"Dog goes woof" Germany walked in, dressed like a dog

"Cat goes Meow" Greece was wearing the cat ears on his head, and had a cat on his arms.

"ZE AWESOME BIRD GOES TWEET!" Prussia stumbled in with Gilbird

**OHGOD, STAHP**

"How could I... Get through one night without you?" Denmark grabbed Norway's hand, and pulled him close

"If I had to live without you... What kind of life would that be?" He picked Norway up, and held him bridal style

"Oooohhh IIIIIIII~! Need you in my life need you to hoolldd meee!" Norway sang to Denny-boo-boo-pants

"You're my world, my heart, my soul~!" Norway touched his face, "If you ever leave.."

Denmark gasped, "Baby you would take away everything good in my liffeee~!"

**Ohmygod, this is crazyyyy~!**

"Does that make me crazzzaaahhhh?"2p Iggy asked

Scotland Sighed, "Yes"

"Does that make me crazzzaaahhhh?" He poked scotlands face, before offering a cupcake.

"YES!" He pushed the cupcake away, before running off

"Does that make me craaazzzzzzzzaaahhhhh?" Iggy called to the distance

"POSSSIBBLLLLYYYYYYY~!"

**You know what?**

Prussia says to Canada, 'I has secret'

Canada says, 'can I know secret?'

Prussia says, 'I rely lik u'

Canada says 'relly? I don't'

Prussia run off crien. Truck with fat beardy driver hit her. She was ded.

Canada pick up her corpse. Prussia was so ded.

Canada says to corpse, 'I don't relly lik u. I rely luv u'

REVIEW DIS IF YOU CRIE EVERYTIEM!

**That was beautiful**

"You are beautifuuullll, In every single wayyyyyy~!" Switzerland sang to Belarus

"Words cant bring me-eh down, nooooooooo" Belarus sing back

"So why did you bring me down, today" They sang together

**Uh, imma end this, now...**

"Helllooooo mah peoplez~!" Jessie called out to no one in particular, whilst eating a burrito, "I have a magical plan!"

Caitryn nearly choked on her Enchilada, "Oh god..."

"If you like these crackfics, and want one of YOUR ideas to be in a story, simply fill out the form below, and leave your suggestion in a review~!" She pointed down

**Crack Idea:**

**Pairing(s) involved, if any:**

**Special twists:**

**Main Character:**

**Supporting Characters:**

"Thats it!" She smiled, then took a bite out of her burrito

"You're crazy, then again, I'm crazy too..." Caitryn took another bithe of her enchilada

The author can't remember how to spell "enchilada"

And she's dead, she really has to stop dying, it's annoying...

Sorry.


	5. What's up with the bubblegum?

**Hiya! Sorry for the late update, I have been busy being obese from ALL THIS AMAZING CANDEH~! (An I had slight writers block... I'm not sure how you get writers block on a crack fic story, but it happened!)**

**Yeah, It was really awkward... Mah bitch (Caitryn) Was all up in this military outfit and I was...**

**A ladybug.**

**A FRUKING LADYBUG.**

**And it wasn't a _normal _ladybug.**

**No, It was the sluttiest fruking ladybug costume you could get at Kmart a day before Halloween.**

**Okay, first of all, I'd like to thank these loverly people: AmeBel is my Life, Canadatheninja, DrakoEspada113, Roses and Angels, Zeverous, GerItaMustBeCannonItIsProphecy, and XxFlamingSnowxX, for Favoriting, and these other loverly people:**

**elizabeta H. Austria, XxxImNotOkayxxX, . . 313, GerItaMustBeCannonItIsProphecy, and AmeBel is my Life**

**For following!**

**You guys are so Ah-Mazing!**

**But anyways...**

**This one is the "France Sings 'My Whole Family Thinks I'm Gay'"**

**Disclaimer: I have a notebook filled with a bunch of weird stuff _about _Hetalia, is that the same thing? No? Oh...**

* * *

Since the FACE family had all moved in together France had been acting, well... _Strange_.

I mean, Iggy had been cooking every meal since he was the "Woman" of the household, and this time when France walked down, he was singing under his breath, "Every time I go to dinner, Seems like I'm getting a little bit thinner." He stopped and looked at the burnt scones on the table, before taking something out of the fridge that _hadn't _been touched by Iggy.

"I'll sit down at the breakfast table! I can talk, well they're not able..." He stared at the three other nations, before sweeping his luscious locks out of his face, putting his hand on his hip, and exclaiming, "What?"

"When I look at them I find, There's a single question on their mind.." He glanced at his burnt scone, "I wish it could go back to the way it was! It's not easy now because..."

"My whole family thinks I'm gay, I guess it's always been that way~!" He ripped his *fabulous* Military uniform off, and he had a sparkly pink leotard on under it "Maybe it's 'cause of the way that I walk, Makes them think I like..." He drifted off with a dreamy look on his eyes

"Boys..."

**We'll get back to you in a minute...**

Austria, Prussia, Hungary, Switzerland, and Germany were skipping along the side of the streets that were crowded with little children, and them, being the manly men (Aside from, ya know, Hungary) Decided to dress up like the original Disney Princesses, Austria being Beauty/Belle from Beauty and the Beast, Prussia being Ariel, Hungary being Prince Charming, Switzerland being Cinderella, and Germany being...

Sleeping Beauty.

Yes, the big-macho-I-Love-Wurst-und-Beer Germany, was Sleeping beauty.

AND HE WAS ENJOYING IT.

**I could see that.**

"If you can't hear what I'm tryin' to say?" Denmark walked onto the stage where Norway was... in a skimpy bathing suit (Ha! No smut for you~!)

"If you can't hear, turn the same way!" America had an half-naked Iggy dancing with him...

"Maybe I'm going deaf!" Prussia covered his ears, and had... Hungary... behind him. (HA! No PruCan for you~!)

America covered his eyes, "Maybe I'm goin' blind!"

"Maybe I'm out of my Miiiiinnnnddd~!" Denmark did the little finger-twirl around his head, and fell down.

**This next story is based off a dream I had. I have really weird dreams sometimes...**

One day, America was all decked out in his 80's clothes, I mean he had the pink tutu skirt, the neon pink suspenders, a bright yellow shirt, rainbow socks, a bee helmet, the works, and he was in this strange place with a net over it. I mean, like, he was on this hill, and it had a net over it. It was weird. So he was all up and derping around, and this guy came up. It was Iggy dressed as the Doctor from Doctor Who, and stuff. So Iggy was like, "Hey! There's a time loop, we need to figure out the source of the time loop and destroy it!" And 'Murica didn't know anything about 'Stranger Danger' and went with this COMPLETELY RANDOM GUY.

Okay, later They were looking for the source of the time loop, and France was all up and on the same hill, dressed like Rainbow Dash, and he had this huge ass bag of fruit-shaped gum next to him, I mean, there was Pumpkin, and Watermelon, and Lemon... Well, Iggy was like, "There's the source of the time loop! We must eat ALL the bubblegum!" and him and America stole the bag of gum like little ninjas, and ate all the gum.

Magically, the time loop stopped!

After they ate the gum, Iggy was like, "Hey, come to my house, 'cause the monsters who eat people who eat meat are gunna get us, and we need to eat vegan-tasty-treats!" So they went to his house to eat vegan-tasty-treats. When the monsters came, they were like, "Oh noes! You eat vegan-tasty-treats, so we can't eat you!" And flew off.

**Yesh. I'm so damn special. This is another one of mah dreams.**

Poland woke up one day, to discover he was in Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory! He grabbed his jet pack and flew around like a little mother[boop]er, before going back to sleep. When he woke up, his jetpack was gone! He looked all around for the jet pack, and was flipping his shit. There was this weird-ass-girl dressed like an oompa-loompa who was like, "Do you need help little boy?"

"I don't need, like, any help! I just want my fabulous jet pack!" He stomped like a little boy.

She was like, 'oh-no-you-didn't' and kicked him in the shins. He decided to go look some more, and he saw this random kid flying around on _his_ flipping epic jet pack.

He chased this kid all over the place trying to get his 'Like, fabulous jet pack!' And when he caught up to the kid, he had turned into spiderman.

Then Lithuania walked in, wearing a spiderman tie, just to show how serious he was, and stuffed a bunch of blue donuts into his mouth, then going on a magical carnival ride with Phineas and Ferb. When he was done, he ran into a room full of teenagers in their pajamas, and got into his jammies. They then had a sumo-wrestling contest, and this Micronation (Kugelmugel) won, wearing green jammies and a Shrek mask. That same Micronation grabbed this chick named Kaitlyn, and they flew off together, and lived happily ever after. (No, not really, they broke up after one day. Seriously, who had the wonderful idea of dating in seventh grade?) But, yeah. The teenagers in their jammies climbed this rope ladder, and sat on top of a foam mat, doing yoga. Russia was in the center, doing some weird-ass tribal dance. Then these random Germans ran up, and took all the girls, saying something about, "THESE ARE OUR NEW WIVES, MUTHAF[boop]ERSSSS~!" and carried them off over their shoulders.

Then This random group of stereotypical white girls began singing, "Eye of the Tiger" at the top of their lungs. And some apples came and flew them into the sky, where Nick Cage and the Apple Gods were waiting for them. Nick Cage was all up and like, "Yo, you guys need to, like" He took a really long breath, "Eat some pie." And then he ran off screaming "Honk"

**O-okay... I'm a little scared of myself now.**

"If you don't count Bible Camp..." France finished.

You probably either, 1) Flipped your shit 'cause I said this chapter would be about the 'My whole family thinks I'm gay,' but it was about my weird ass dreams and Germany as sleeping beauty

Or 2) You're still laughing your ass off beacuse, really, what isn't ha-fruking-larious about Nick Cage and the Apple Gods?

Yesh, the author is ah-mazing. You wish you could write as cracky-fics as her.

You so jelly.

SO.

DAMN.

JELLY.

Oh...

She's dead again, gog dammit...

Sorry.


End file.
